I don't know...I've been thinking about a point of view (Calvinistic maybe? idk) and questioning sanctification. I know and am close to people who claim to be sanctified (like a "christian perfection," people who are sold-out to God and their views are completely alligned with God's will...something like that). And I know people aren't perfect, but...well, no, no 'but'- that's it: People aren't perfect. So how can there be this sanctification? I really don't get it. I don't think I agree. Because it's in the day-to-day behavior where I see a lack of love and sincerity. I want to be the kind of person is loving and peaceful and patient and kind and sincere in person, in every moment. I want to show God's love in the details. But I don't. I just have this overwhelming awareness that I'll never be good enough, and I hate that knowledge. What am I supposed to do? I mean, I can just accept that fact or not, but it's a powerful piece of information, you know? I could recognize that I'm completely imperfect and not even try, or I can do the whole trying thing, and hope I did better compared to the next person? Does that sound right to you? Where is the middle ground, because I'm struggling to find it. How do you live? We are broken, and I am seriously confused about how I am supposed to do this. I can only think of two choices: recognize the imperfection and a) live with the fact that nothing you do can be right because no thing or action will be as it was truly meant or b) and try to make up for it by constantly trying  to be what you aren't - perfect - and then trying again and again because you keep on failing. There has to be an option C right? I'm stuck in limbo now, a coma between the only two options I have. Why can't things unravel and be uncomplicated again? Why can't things be a nice neat straight line, where all the answers are in front of you, if you just keep going?

All these questions that lead to more questions that I have no answer for...or maybe I did once and have forgotten them...

Note: Remember this when trying to butter me up

Too often we don't realize what we have until its gone. 

Too often we're too stubborn to say "Sorry, I was wrong." 

Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts, 

and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.

I believe in magic.
Not the kind of i-can-guess your card-magic, nor the soon-you-will-find-love-magic...
but the kind of magic you get when you know you just hovered over your lumpy mattress because that piece of hair just moved and you got a chill from the breeze of falling.
Or the kind of magic you feel when you find a long-lost trinket, one you know was lost at a party and never to be found again.
This kind of magic happens when you sleep outside and listen to nature sounds, and see thousands of stars even though you are in one of the largest cities in the state.
This magic sparkles and you can hear it crackle if you use your ears correctly
like distant fireworks
it's electric, it shows through the lucky ones' eyes.
It's beautiful and unique and true,
and you may not realize you've even seen magic until years after it happened.
Magic is tricky that way.
Yes, I believe in this kind of magic.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

~ Oscar Wilde

a quiet note-to-self

These emotions are natural, these waves are normal
Just ride them out and move on

I shampooed!

I broke. Monday morning, I washed my hair with shampoo after a month of only using baking soda and vinegar/lemon juice to clean it. I was just so tired of having to wear it up because of the constant oily look. Not that I'm not willing to sacrifice for healthy hair, but it just didn't seem like all it was cracked up to be...maybe it needed more time? I'm just not that patient.

Well, I'm not completely giving up on the whole essence of the thing. Maybe there is some organic shampoo or olive oil shampoo that doesn't strip you hair? Or maybe some type of home-made version that could work just as well...obviously, there is a lot more researching to be done~Hints and advice is always welcome!

But for now, it's time for sleep. I am in pajamas afterall!

Sleep tight tonight you few special people who I know read these ramblings~
Love ya! ; )

How to Think Like Leonardo DaVinci

As I was reading this book, I came across a quote of Kenneth Clark on DaVinci's notebooks: 

First there are questions about the construction of certain machines, then, under the influence of Archimedes, questions about the first principles of dynamics; finally, questions which had never been asked before about winds, clouds, the age of the earth, generation, the human heart.

It seems like all the things I wonder about have already been speculated, already been researched, and already yielded highly specialized professions that employ highly educated people. The thing about DaVinci was that he lived in a time when scientific research, any type of forward-thinking research, was not on the forefront of most people's minds. Knowledge was his for the taking.

But what was he searching for anyway? All that curiosity he had, he loved to learn. But he had to see that even if he did manage to learn everything, to fulfill his dream of "unifying all knowledge," he would still be alone in that knowledge. He would be the only one who knew everything. And if it took him his whole life to learn these things, he would be alone with that knowledge for quite some time before anyone else came along with an adequate amount of brains to be at his same level.

He had to see that. Maybe towards the end, he did. This book says that towards the end of his life, he began asking about Christianity and Catholicism. Maybe when he realized that his research, which was so past his own time, only led to more questions- maybe that was when he realized knowledge and understanding isn't enough. That there may have been more to this life than a thirst for knowledge, an insatiable curiosity. He was looking for purpose, for an understanding of life that he had not found, and it's tragic that he only realized this at an old, frail age.

Lenoardo DaVinci, quite possible the most intelligent man to ever live, felt a sense of purposelessness when looking back through his life. Was it because he chose knowledge over relationships? Was it because he dedicated his whole life to learning instead of loving? You've heard it said that knowledge is power. That may very well be. But power isn't everything. I feel like it all comes down to love, to us poor broken humans desperately trying to scratch the itch of a relationship in discord.

Just one more example of how it's all about love...

Fluent

I would love to live like a river flows:
Carried by the surprise of its own unfolding

::: John O'Donohue :::

Amazing and puzzling music videos

Hollerado - Americanarama



OK GO - End Love (and all other OKGO music videos)





Feist - 1234



Feist - I Feel It All

A forgotten note, recently found

Of what purpose is thought, if not to bear fruit?

For I am only barely loyal to You, and only in my thoughts.
In my thoughts, the answer has always been- and will always be- You.

But of what use are these thoughts, if they do not bear fruit in my actions?

Inspiring links and not-so-inspiring thoughts

this inspiring post by Maggie at My Breakfast Blog

this spoken word that I heard today

this song lyric by First Aid Kit: "I live because I love to"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I just need to try to be more positive, I think.

Or. Hmmm. Or would it be an abomination to try to be something I'm not? I'm not overly positive, I'm not overly negative, I don't think.

So, again, I ask: Would it be an abomination to try and be something I'm not?
I'm not saying don't work to be your best, because that's just it: be your best. Not Barbie's smiling best. Would it be wrong to try to be positive and "always look on the bright side of life" when that's just simply not how I'm wired? Why do I always need to be happy and positive? I hope I'm not a debbie downer, but should I be feeling guilty for not being able to keep up an appearance of shining optimism?

I think I'm concluding that it is okay to not be happy. And to clarify, you can not be happy, but still be filled with love and still have the joy and hope that God gives. Why do I still want it though? Happiness is a fickle emotion after all, right?
Does it come back to confusing happiness with fulfillment? Sometimes I wonder if fulfillment will ever make its home in me, at least in this life anyway. And then this is usually the point where I go "probably not, but just maybe it will" and lay my head down to sleep.

It seems I'm always thinking, and only in circles, never making any progress.

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?"

 -Satchel Paige

...I think I would call myself 62. Old enough to be openly cranky and still young enough to surprise people.

Saw this and it adequately explains my reasoning most of the time : P

from here

Going without Shampoo

Soooo it's been about...12 days (?) that i've gone without shampoo!
And my hair is getting this weird texture...not quite greasy, oily i guess but kind of stiff?

Anyways, I started out washing every day to every other day with baking soda and apple cider vinegar (both of them barely diluted) and saw that my hair was getting dry and brittle even with the ACV. So I did a little more research and realized my mistake. So for the last week, I washed with diluted baking soda Sunday and Wednesday and then rinse with ACV. My hair is now getting that stiff, oily feeling I  was talking about, with the crown of my head looking greasy so I've been putting it up everyday.

So far, the transitional phase is still going strong. I just hope that in a month or two, keeping your hair shampoo-free is really as great as everyone says...but hey, life is for learning and for experimenting, right? : )

Where is this creative streak you speak of?

You may not know it but this is not original.

Nothing is new, all used.

Words, thoughts, ideas

Implanted into your mind like historical notes taken from every

action, look, and letter ever seen by your hopeful eyes.



But still we will try.






.

Things to try:

Well, this took a while, but here is the list I was talking about a while ago in this post.

~*~*~What to try in order to keep from being a hermit bum this winter and be productive~*~*~

Going without shampoo

Beauty the lazy hippie way

Being a minimalist (my shoe obsession is sick) and selling some things on amazon

Not being a hermit this winter

Those last four credited Holly for this post that made them oh so much easier to find. Oh, I do love me some linkage.

 Making this lovely breakfast on a cold Saturday morning (via WhatKatieAte)

This dairy-free Ranch dressing recipe (since my favorite chip and veggie dip is forbidden)

Read through a few books:

In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto (Michael Pollan)

Food Rules (Michael Pollan)

How To Think Like Leonardo DaVinci

Become accomplished

Apply the basics from the mindful eating group I'm attending to become healthier (it sounds korny, applying things you learn at school to real life, but it's...well, basic) : P

Now watch this!

I just spent two hours studying Physical Geology and my mind is cloudier than ever. I miss the clarity that my Calculus class provided...Math is easy, science muddles me.

Part of me wants to say

never mind. never mind, wash the ink off your hands, please. this secret is not yours, but mine.

i fear you will judge my openness and emotional capriciousness.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track

Do you think happiness is enough? Sometimes I think people mistake happiness and fulfillment...I look forward to fulfillment, to knowing that I loved more than possible. That is what we were made for right? I worry that in the end, when looking back, the moments where I chose to ignore will outnumber the times I chose to love. I worry that I will not have loved enough.

I can't remember where I first heard this quote by C. S. Lewis, but it struck me and the truth of it has never left:

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.

Tighten Up by The Black Keys

I found this music video by the black keys while exploring...I love it! I'm going to be needing an iTunes shopping spree soon : P


By the way, what happened to embedding videos? I was going to add this right on here, but it only has an upload-from-computer option...
: (

I think that

Love, if it really is Love, will always remain.

Hey. Look at me.

Look at those dimples. 

How bout the stretch marks?

See that mole on my upper arm?

It grows wiry black hairs. 

I trim them so as not to scare off small children with visions of witches. It's my own little inside joke and I smile when I notice the skin's extra sensitivity. 

Note the limp, static-y hair clinging to itself. 

The lack of body makes others jealous when it doesn't frizz in humidity.

Look at my weird knees and my vein-y feet, my pale pimple-prone skin and unshaved legs.

See where my eyebrows are just a little crooked? They haven't yet recovered from when I first started plucking them.

See the sagging skin under my chin and the movement in my upper arm? See the rolls in my tummy when I bend and how they smooth when I stretch? Look at the polish on my toes where the nail polish only covers half because it's grown out. 

Did you notice the stubble in my armpits when I waved to a friend?

Did you see my windblown hair, and impossibly rosy cheeks from racing my bike to class?

Did you notice how my eyeliner was a bit lopsided and my mascara was smudged frrom blinking when it was still wet?

If you didn't, that's lovely. 

If you did, know that this is me.

There are many incongruities between me and that model walking down Salvatore Ferregamo's spring runway. But I would rock that charcoal long-sleeved dress; it would bring out my eyes. And that belt! That belt would completely accentuate my smaller waist and curvy hips. Who needs smooth thighs and straight lines when I could make that designer dress look better on my blemished body than a model's boyish figure? I'm a woman, afterall.

These imperfections- the chipped polish and growing-in eyebrows, the stubbly legs and padded thighs- they make me interesting to look at. They make me feel unique when I surprise my roommates by lazing about in underwear.

Why make myself- and in effect, everyone around me- miserable by trying to fit myself into a confining body where I can't stretch or move too harshly?

And why do designer things not come in my size? I could walk that runway with more attitude than your prim models, Salvatorrr-ay.

Oh, and also...

The name of this place is getting worn thin. It barely had any life to begin with, only formed with the idea of changing it sooner than now. "A sunny little spot" has been dragged and pulled further than it should have been and I am so sorry for that, little blog name. It's time to put you to a peaceful rest, where you can doze in the sunny rays of...yourself...in cyberspace. You can meet other retired blog names and chat about the good ol' days, or make new friends with old pictures, or meet another blog...maybe she'll even end up being the blog of your dreams! Whatever your path, it's time that you chose it yourself. Soon you'll be heading off and making your own decisions, but never forget where you came from, little Asunnylittlespot! Soon, your time of rejuvination is coming! Just let me find a replacement for you first...

The Plan

I do not like going out and doing things for a few reasons:

1) It uses money that you need for things you really need, like bills.

2) It uses time you really need for things you really need to do (like studying and cleaning, for me).

3) I usually don't like whatever activity is going down anyway.

4) Last, but most certainly not least at this time of year, IT IS FREEZING.

So I have devised a plan for this winter...

THE PLAN:

Step 1~ Make a list of things you want to try.

Step 2~ Pick one of those items and apply it to everyday life for a full week.

Step 3~ Be happy despite the horrid weather because you am doing more things that you find enjoyable than you did when the weather was more enjoyable.

Hopefully, by the end of this plan, I'll be less moody and sloppy and preoccupied with things that don't matter. Maybe I'll be pleasant to be around and happy with who I am and maybe I'll learn a little something (especially with all the studying, eh?).  

SOOOO off to make another list (anyone else a list-a-holic? Really, they are a secret pleasure for me. Who cares if the items get crossed out, THEY'RE ON A LIST. That makes them so much more official, don't you think?)

*~~~~~*   What are you going to put on your "To Try" list?   *~~~~~*

Is it possible to lust after shoes?

Because I think I'm coming pretty close with these beauties. The color, the strap up the middle, the color and bow...it's all too much. I know this sounds emotionally unstable, but I've recently discovered within myself a shoe addict, and these make we want to cry- they are just THAT BEAUTIFUL.

Maybe in ten years, I'll find some at a thrift store or something...


...oh no. They have them in pumps too. Note the price on these babies.

Things to consider:

Bicycling in the Netherlands

Christian existentialism

A view on film photography

Feather earrings

Adorable kitties (here & here)

Roman Coppola's music video for Funky Squaredance by Phoenix

Sometimes there are some things that are so true

and I freeze. Like any movement could break the truth in it. As if truth is fragile. A breath too deep, a swallow too loud, a blink too sudden. Wallow in the truth. Let it seep into your being and engulf you.

Is this what they call an identity crisis?

Today, I got to cross "Write initials in wet concrete" off my bucket list.

; )

Western Civilization

In class today (this is an awesome class), we talked about presuppositions. We questioned them, analyzed them, thought about them. It was very interesting. I wondered about how I've grown up believing that education will lead to a successful life. That once I have financial stability, a husband, and a family, I will feel fulfilled and successful.

And now I'm questioning it.

We even went farther than that and questioned our presupposition that being loved and belonging is better than being unloved and not belonging.

I'm questioning that too.

I'm questioning a lot of things right now.

I like it, all these classes making me think. Professors talking about what I think about.

I just want to make people happy and proud of me. Is that a bad quality? It's stretching me so thin.

I am a girl.

I am a girl who loves seeing full rainbows, beautiful butterflies, and ugly bugs.

I am introspective and sometimes shallow.

I have complex thoughts and ideas and reasonings but I am simple.

I am full of shining hope, but always expect disappointment.

I have hippie ideals and Christian theology.

I have my realistic, practical, futuristic head in the clouds.

I crave new experiences but dread change.

I see how everything is connected and I feel unattached.

I am honest.

I am a liar.

I am good.

I am bad.

I am a true paradox, a flurry of contradictions united in one being.

And I am truly loved.

Take me to the land of the half awake
There I can make my dreamy escape
To the borderline world where the lines are smudged
And it doesn't matter if I don't wake up

In that place, your demons pull
One step at a time
But you're still in control

Take me to the land of the half asleep
There my close friend is Apathy
He'll relax my thoughts till the lines are smudged
And it doesn't matter if I don't wake up

Hold on tight to the truth you know
If you loosen your grip, it's easy to let go, because

In that place, you demons pull
One step at a time
But you're in control

In that place, it's easy to break
Did you feel it happen
Now that you're awake

How to Be Alone

So there's this cute boy at work and he's adorable and when I went around giving everyone frozen snickers bars, i asked him:

..."Would you like a frozen midnight treat?"

What is wrong with my mind???

Tattoos

How do you feel about tattoos?

I enjoy them. I think they are beautiful. They are little arts all over your body. Or big arts all over your body.

But there are obviously many opinions out there about them. I've heard someone say they didn't want to get a tattoo because they were worried it was the sign of the devil.

I've tried to reason my way into that one, but I can't make that one make sense in my head.

Anyways. I have some tattoos in mind.

















This one I want right above my elbow. Three is a great number. There is a lot of symbolism in that number and I like the fact that since they are rings that go around your arm, they never end- infinity.



















The one I want is similar to this, but different. It still has the concept of things going over both wrists, but on the left there will be a tree or branch, and there will be motion- like wind- blowing leaves onto the next wrist. But by the time the leaves reach the end of the second wrist, they will have turned into butterflies and will be beginning to take flight.


Last but not least, I can't find a picture that's similar to this:
An equilateral triangle, flat side down (pointing up) kind of on the top of my back, between the shoulders, not quite touching the neck. Outlines in black, very thin lines, not filled in. About 2 cm on each side. Again, the three motif. In a geometric form.

*pictures are from here*
**also, if you know why the pictures are so large, even though i selected small when downloading the url, i'd love you forever if you told me**

"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could have won."

-Mumford and Sons

Lollapalooza

SOOOOOO...!!!!

Tomorrow is Lollapalooza!

And I'm excited for everything

the food

the beach

the city

and, of COURSE, the MUSIC

we'll be hearing/seeing temper trap, MGMT, mumfors and sons, frightened rabbit, and switchfoot

i am VERY VERY VERY for mumford and sons and switchfoot!

so, as a little pre-lollapalooza amazingness, here is the lyrics to one of mumford and sons' songs (all there songs are simply genius):

Awake, My Soul- Mumford and Sons

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker

Aaaaand, I gueessss, if you want to listen to it
heresthevideo!

Song of Songs 2:10-14 (NJB)

Come now, my love. My lovely one, come.


For you, the winter has passed,

The snows are over and gone.

The flowers appear in the land,

The season of joyful songs has come.


The cooing of the turtledove is heard in our land.


Come now, my love. My lovely one, come.


Let me see your face,

And let me hear your voice.

For your voice is sweet,

And your face is beautiful.


Come now, my love. My lovely one, come.

One last thing

With that realization I was talking about two posts ago, I don't know if i will continue to feel this way, but I have very much wanted to go on a trip by myself somewhere and just be alone.

Because I have felt like I'm losing myself at times. Like the personalities that I am around are folding themselves into me, and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I feel like I'm less and less myself each day. And sometimes it just gets to be too much. I just shut down. Emotionally. Physically. Those are the days where I do nothing but watch mindless t.v. and munch endless calories and run my fingers through my hair. It's the only way to keep from overloading.

And I feel like I need to take a little break from life to get on track. I'm only 19, this can't be right. To feel like I've wasted my life not being myself when it hasn't even started?

...Maybe a solo break isn't what I need, it has the potential to just make me feel worse...but going to a new place, with lots of people, but by myself. Alone with completely new people who don't already know me in a completely new place I've never been to. I wouldn't be lonely, but I would be forced to be myself.

I just feel like I need something like that soon or I will go crazy. I just don't know how or when or where. Or how to justify it, besides simply needing some major mental health time...

The Bachelorette

Also, talk about melodramatic...The Bachelorette.

For some reason, I have recently become obsessed. And when I say recently, I mean yesterday. So I've Hulud (why yes, that is the verb form of Hulu, the internet site in which fans can watch most recent episodes of their favorite television shows) every episode of Season 6, up until episode 8. And I know that "reality tv" isn't real. But some of these people are just amazing, even if they are part fiction.

One guy's family kind of lives by this slogan "Love is the only reality." And I've kind of been analyzing it. Just seeing if I like the feel of it for now, but I might adopt a form of that phrase. I mean, God is Love. And God is real. When all else fails, HE you can count on. He is the only Reality, and He is Love.

It's like those proofs in math (that's right. I love my math.):
If God is love and God is real, then love is real.

That's obviously over-simplified, but I like the whole concept very much.
Obviously. It's what we're all made for, this Love thing.

So yeah, just another one of the many thoughts that have passed by today.

So I kind of had this major thought...

i tried to type it to my friend in a facebook message, but it ended up just going all over the place, so let me just try to narrow it down here...

i am a Christian, a follower of Jesus. But these past few months, maybe even totaling up to a year, my relationship with God hasn't been that great. I felt kind of lost but couldn't really pinpoint where or when everything just kind of fell apart. And it wasn't like everything just broke down to pieces, it was just a gradual slipping away...I just sort of wandered here, and took a slight turn there.

oh, I just thought of a great kind of analogy.

When you are using a compass, if you are one degree off, you can end up in the completely wrong place, even the wrong country. So I was just a couple degrees off here and there, and suddenly I realize I'm in a lonely desert instead of a lush garden. And when I look back, I can't even pinpoint where it all went wrong- what the big mistake was- because there wasn't one big mistake, just a few wrong steps.

So that's where I was. And the same thoughts just went through my head for months: What did I do wrong? God is love, but I'm not feelin it, am I unlovable? Have I done something to make God turn on me? But my Father takes care of His lost children, right? Because He loves them, so why am I here? I was stuck in a rut, going round and round and I couldn't get out. I couldn't figure out what had happened. And I felt like since I didn't know what happened, I didn't know how to get back to where I was. I was hoping so badly that since I wandered away, I could wander back. But you can't do that. Not with important things. Important things need active decisions to make bad things better.

So I figured it by out a blog post I was reading. Just the title caught my attention: Not all who wander are lost. And in my head I thought I'm wandering, and VERY lost... And so then I decided to do what I do best. Research. Google. Biblegateway (which is amazing. if you don't know what it is, polish your research skills. you'll thank me later) I came across this article about being lost and how sometimes you can be too independent. How sometimes you can just wake up one morning completely lost and not how how you got there.

And I don't know, just the whole article, things just started to make sense. And not just the article, I actually cracked open my Bible a bit and did some research there too (amazing how intimidating that thing can be when you feel guilty about being the crappy half of the relationship).

Anyways, I realized that I just kind of wandered away. Here's how I put it in that message i was talking about:

i wandered away. i lost my focus, my destination became foggy, there was no ultimate goal. without a goal, the rules i live by were easily questioned, easily countered, easily dismissed. i wandered, and soon, i was lost. completely, hopelessly lost. and i didn't even know it.

It sounds so melodramatic now, but that's what happened.

And now that I know kind of what went down, I know how to fix it. And it has not been easy. Even just this past day...I still have far to go. But God is helping me, He is. With the little things that help me make those small decisions that lead to bigger consequences. He's there. Helping me and loving me.

Amazing Artists

Brett Manning












Berkeley Illustrations









Melissa Manfull













Clint Fulkerson













Letha Wilson













Lena Wolff













Li Hui










Sebastiaan Bremer

DIY

okay so i love love LOVE little diy crafts and decorating things that you can make out of anything, so here are some -and by that i mean A LOT- of cool posts from the free people blog...

okay the truth-this is for my own convenience, so when i have a few extra bucks and a whole lotta time, i can come here for FUN TIMES! lol :P you can ignore if you like...

Layered friendship-bracelet-necklaces

Painted sticks
you could screw in some knobs, and have a coat rack, or some tacks and it could hold jewelry...!

Flowers and bottles

Mod podge vases
i want to do this on a cork board for a bulletin-board type thing

Home-made decals

LACE jars! (i love lace)

Pop-out butterflies

Rope rugs

Homemade camera lense

Wall decor with vintage frames

Fishtail braid inspiration

Feather hair extensions

OMG LOLLAPALOOZA I'M GOING TO LOLLAPALOOZA AND I AM SEEING MUMFORD AND SONS!!!!!

don't know who mumford and sons is?
CHECK THEM OUT

Memory Lane

My aunt went to France and brought back a song that my mother sang to my sister and I when we were little,

she would sing oh-so-softly into our tiny ears

"dites-moi pourquoi
la vie est belle
dites-moi pourquoi
la vie est gai
dites-moi pourquoi,
chere mad'moiselle,
est-ce que, parce que
vous m'aimez?"

and i just remembered it a few days ago and i have found a video of it
apparently, it is a song from the musical South Pacific,
which has had many many remakes and revivals and television versions
there is also supposedly and more contemporary version coming out soon
(insert shout out to wikipedia here)
anyways, i hope you enjoy it as much as i do,
it is very catchy and never leaves your head

plus, if you hum it, your friends might think you are a cultured, learned young adult...
(this version is obviously not the 1958 original as it has reba in it)

I was just going to write a post referring to J. M. Roberts' post and a certain quote. But then I started typing and I wrote and thought myself in circles, around around, so much so that I lost track of the idea and the initial point of the post became unclear to even me and now I am just giving up on trying to recover the thought because I have to wake up in the morning kind of early (for me at least) but I will still refer to the post because it was very thought-provoking - which can sometimes be a bad thing, but in this case, not so much.

I think that's the longest run-on sentence of my life.

Good night.



And for all you source Nazis out there - you who await any single persons' mistake of not giving the places they got pictures, videos, etc. - I have decided you need some extra fun. So, here I have provided some links and some sources. Do what you must, I cannot stop you from acting on your torturous gift-curse of a need to ensure every single blogs' credibility.
Source 1, 2, 3, & 4

Weaknesses

My sister sings in a traveling choir. It's a church choir for high school students, a lot of fun. So, she was singing at a church near me so my mom and I went and we were late. But anyways, when we walked in, I saw someone in the lobby that I work with and we started talking. He told me that his daughter used to be in this choir, but it's too hard for his wife to come. I must have looked at him confused, because after a few awkward moments, he said "Well, you know my daughter was killed."

What am I supposed to do after that blow?

I kind of stuttered and mumbled and said "Oh, no, I didn't."

He went on to explain that she was on a trip with a friend to help out at some church and then her friend fell asleep at the wheel and his daughter was killed in the crash.

I don't know how to handle these things.

He told me so suddenly.

I felt awful for not knowing, but how could I have?

Then, my mom came back from the restroom and we were going into find and sit with my grandparents. Hindsight is always 20/20. I didn't realize that since it was too difficult for his wife to come, he was there alone. I felt awful, still do, through the whole service. I should have asked him to sit with us. Should I have given him a hug? Something, I should have done something. I looked back once we had been seated and realized that he was alone, but he was gone. I would have gone to bring him to sit if he had been there, but he wasn't.

So I cried.

The whole thing was an impossible situation.

But it's weighing me down now and I wish I had better social skills and didn't come off as careless and self-absorbed when I really do care about people.

I lie a lot.

New Music!!! :D :D :D

Since I am home and able to explore and find good music, I've been able to get some music that pandora has recommended (genius idea, that pandora). Some recent newcomers to my itunes library:

MGMT
Bon Iver
Fanfarlo
Fleet Foxes
Johnny Flynn
Mumford and Sons
Noah and the Whale
Passion Pit
Frightened Rabbit
Angus and Julia Stone
Cherbourg

i've also deleted over 500 songs to clean things up a bit and get some new songs playing on shuffle...which doesn't seem to be very random. i've gotten the same song played four times in three hours of "shuffle"

oh and www.last.fm also has a page that helps find artists similar to the ones you like when you are in a new-music-discovering mood ; )

Questions

Lately I've kind of been wondering what it would be like to have a special someone. Just someone who enjoys a lot of the same things I do, but also does things I've never tried. Someone to grow with, to go on nature walks with. Sometimes I think that maybe he'll even like the same music and we can just relax and listen to music and pick out cloud shapes in the sun.

...Then, after a few minutes of daydreaming, something will bring life back into focus and I start to feel guilty for wanting someone to go through life with. Isn't that what God is for? Aren't I supposed to be happy and satisfied? I'm not supposed to want anything else, right?

Most recent musical discovery

Mumford and Sons

On a quiet Thursday afternoon...

Step 1: Brew some peach tea.

Step 2: Turn the lights off and let the sunshine trickle in.

Step 3: Watch the movie Amelie.

Step 4: As the ending music lifts, spend time thinking about how life could possibly get any better.

On how everything is meaningless, an Ecclesiastical thought process

My mind goes in circles. There is one things that takes up about 95% of my thoughts. The future. What will I do with my future to make the world a better place? Let me share with you the cycle of thought that takes place in my mind. It generally goes like this, and takes anywhere from 1-5 weeks to go through. Every time I end up at the same conclusion.

Thought process~~~Why am I at school? What should I be learning? Because right now, I'm just all over the place. I don't have a major, the possibilities are endless. I know that I can do anything I want to do, but it's a matter of what will be energizing and fulfilling, what will be life changing for me AND for others? Okay, well it has to be something I find enjoyable, obviously. Alright well, academic interests: calculus, art, music, occasionally history. Free time interests: reading, photography, fashion, music, history channel, nat geo. Hmmm...where is the crossover, the shared space of this mental venn diagram? *Around here, I will think up a new career choice and research it and look up majors that would be of benefit, and daydream about life on the job.* Will this new career really be that fulfilling? Will I really be helping people, will lives be changed for the better? ...probably not...will lives be changed with any careers that are associated with my interests/abilities? ...Y'know, now that I think about it, probably not. Why am I here? What is the point of getting educated and getting good jobs and making money and then spending it? We are all going to die, our bodies will rot, and our spirit will go to one of two places, am I really making a difference? *Sigh* Nope.

And here is where the conclusion that I usually come to has changed. Instead of finding that I am a waste of brain matter, I think I've finally realized that I am nothing. And it's so obvious, I mean I've been raised in a Christian home my whole life, I've been surrounded by amazing, Christ-like people but somehow, only just now has this basic principle hit home for me.

I am completely and utterly nothing. Nothing without my God.

New dream destination!!! Err...after the East coast trip, of course ; )

The Wanderlust Festival

Let's see: welcome to my dreamland, where money and time is no issue...

Lodging (studio condo): $700
Wanderlust "Sage" tickets (4-day yoga + music): $450 x 4 people = $1800
Food for four days (idk what would be available?): $100 x 4 people = $400
Plane ticket to Reno (4 people, 2 stops, less than an hour away): $2120
Total: $5020 OR $1,200/person


A wonderful 1-4 days (whatever you want) full of music and YOGA.
I cannot stress how much I love yoga. Now, I don't get all into the beliefs that yoga is based on, but I love the stretches and exercises and meditation and calmness of it. Ahhh! I am so going to this place someday!!! Who's with me??

Sleepyhead

I've been having a hard time getting to sleep, sleeping the whole night through, and then feeling energized in the morning. I've picked up a several tips from magazines, and have paid attention to which of my own habits actually help me sleep better at night and here is what I am going to try to do to get a good rest:

1) Make sure the apartment and bedroom is pitch black. This sends signals to your brain that it's time to relax.

2) Have a nightly routine, this signals to your body that you are getting ready to sleep. There is a reason for the bath, book, bed routine as a child.

3) Exercise during the day. Exercise gets my heart pumping, so doing it at night keeps me awake. But, if it's done during the day, my muscles are tired and not pumped up at nighttime.

4) Another reason I usually can't sleep is because my mind just won't turn off. So, if I'm worrying about certain things, I will take a few minutes to write down the problem, and how I can fix it in the morning or the next day. Hopefully, running through possible solutions will put my mind at ease.

5) Go to sleep and wake up earlier rather than later. I have heard from multiple sources that this is more energizing regardless of your preference. Once your body gets used to it, sleeping and waking closest to the sun's hours is more natural for your body.

6) Do not eat less than three hours before bedtime. Your body will not be able to rest until the food is digested. Plus, there is no way to burn the calories, so you are also putting more energy into your body that could keep you wired.

And last but not least:
7) No dairy. For me, at least. I've heard of some people who drink warm milk when they can't sleep. However, I am lactose intolerant, so if I consume even the smallest amount of dairy, it causes some level of discomfort at night (even if I take enzyme pills). No matter how tempting late night runs to Dairy Queen are, I will not have an dairy at all this week.

New Past-time

Smash some beans baby

Boys are so immature and dumb.

Just sayin.

Psychology

I am taking a "spiritual gifts assessment quiz" right now.

It is asking me questions like "Do people come to you seeking spiritual or personal guidance in their lives?" and "Do you strengthen those who are waivering in their faith?"

Actually, no. I am usually the one doing the seeking of advice, and very often I might add. And I don't particularly attempt to strengthen peoples' faith, I try to understand why it is 'waivering' in the first place. I just prefer to observe and understand the reasons to peoples' thoughts and actions as opposed to trying to change them.

Ugh! Sorry, just had to get that out there, I HATE these questions. It makes me very uncomfortable trying to answer these questions without the ability to go into depth about the meaning of the questions and my answers.

Foreign Language Class...

Anyone know what language this is? I think these artists are popular in Iceland, what is the primary language in Iceland?
hmmm....

Things I've learned about myself:

~I used to think I would be able to do mindless, tedious tasks for hours as a job, but now that I have that kind of job, it's awful. I need something challenging, something that engages my mind, requires some thought and intellect, and is therefore extremely fulfilling.

~I keep trying to think "I don't need a boyfriend/love interest/significant other to be happy, I'll be fine until I get my career in tact" or "I really want a boyfriend, it would be nice to just have someone to have fun with and go on double dates with who buys me things." And lately, I just don't care. I am much happier letting things fall as opposed to trying to pick on potential possibility over the other, when that is never the case. It is never either/or with these things, there is always another potential situation. And now, I am finally okay with not worrying about that which is obviously not in my hands.

~When it comes to my career, I want to be the best. Which is why, I think, it is proving difficult to find a major that I excel at.

That is all concerning this subject.
I guess these all concern the future...

Photo Post

okayyyyy!!!

posting spree tonight!

hahaha making up for lost time i guess : P

this is a photo post, all old photos, I'm afraid.

But new ones are to come as soon as a certain wire is found (grrr...)

Pickled Beats

Some songs that have caught my attention lately, but are kind of old news (you may need to pause the automatic music on this blog, located at the bottom of the page):

~Happiness by Goldfrapp


~Wonderwall by Cat Power



~Summer Day by Coconut Records



~Two Doves by Dirty Projectors

Long time, no post

I feel like I haven't posted in forever!
I haven't really been doing much, just working (which I love love LOVE, btw) and working out! I've gone down a whole pants size! and alll that hard work probably just got ruined tonight lol : P

ANYWAYS
I've also just gotten addicted to the t.v. series Bones pretty recently, of which every episode can be found here

And...I'm trying to think of something interesting to post to make this more entertaining for you....

ah, here we are:
Stuff White People Like: Moleskin Notebooks
Feel free to check out the rest of the blog, it is extremely sarcastic, and therefore wonderful.

I dream of the sea.
Of floating among the crashing waves
and then sinking beneath the surface into the calm.
Just a picture of the choppy waters
will slam my mind with visions of the deep.
I want to jump in, surrounded by chaos and uncertainty,
unable to control where I am thrust,
struggling to stay afloat,
and then,
quietly
calmly
slipping.
Slowly losing myself and silently drifting
into the steady rocking of the current
and eventually washing up with the tide.






photo source

A quote found posted at the end of an email

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others. For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness. And for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

~Audrey Hepburn

Perks of living near a big city

There are a lot of festivals and events in Chicago, especially in the summer. So, here are a few that have caught my attention and seem particularly interesting. The last two events are actually continual throughout the year, weather permitting.

Chicago Blues Festival
When: June 11 @ 11:30am - June 13 @ 9:30pm
Where: Grant Park
What: The largest free blues festival in the world. Past performers include Ray Charles, B. B. King, Bonnie Raitt, and Buddy Guy.
Admittance: Free (first come, first serve, areas open 30 minutes before shows begin)

Taste of Chicago
When: June 25-July4, 11am-9pm daily (July 3: 11am-7pm, July 4: 11am-6pm)
Where: Michigan Ave. & Congress Dr.
What: A 10-day lakefront festival featuring the best food in the city. The vast array of foods include giant turkey legs, hot dogs (of course!), Tahi, vegetarian, sushi, Italian, and A LOT more! Plus, there is free, live music to entertain you while you satisfy your taste buds at Jackson & Columbus Dr.
Admittance: Free (however, food is bought not with cash, but tickets. No food item should be more than 10 tickets, sometimes samples are 2-4 tickets. Drinks cost about 6-8 tickets. A strip of 12 tickets cost $8. They are sold for $6 at some Dominick's grocery stores.)

Maxwell Street Market
When: every Sunday from 7am-3pm
Where: South Loop, Desplaines St. & Roosevelt Rd.
What: A flea market that hosts 518 vendors every Sunday, includes food stands and live music (weather permitting).
Admittance: Free

Under the Picasso
When: Jan 1- Dec 31, weekdays, performance start at noon
Where: Daley Plaza, 50 West Washington
What: "Lunchtime performances, ethnic festivals, holiday celebrations, farmers markets and more." Up-coming events include a classical piano concert (Thursday, May 27th), an Asian-American heritage program (Friday, May 28th), Bulgarian artists abroad June 2nd-15th), and a Barbazion fashion show (Tuesday, June 22nd).
Admittance: Free

On loving being in love

Have you ever heard people say "Oh, I just love being in love"? Does it bother you as much as it does me? It just seems like when someone says that, they are demeaning the person they are, have been, or ever will be with. As if he/she isn't the object of their affections, but the feelings they create are. Not the liking being in love is wrong, but why not say "I love loving and being loved by so-and-so" instead? It just leaves a lot to be explained I guess; am I the only one that thinks this? I've just never heard anyone mention the things I am thinking about this right now...am I being a cynical pessimist?

On Golden Annivarsaries

So, apparently, each year of marriage has a...material (?) that it represents.

The one-year anniversary is the Paper Anniversary. The second is cotton, and so on and so forth.

Well, this weekend was my grandparents' 50th Anniversary, the Golden anniversary. So, we headed on our three-hour road trip and went to spend a couple nights there. We threw a surprise party, and they were actually completely clueless! It was a lot of fun to see family.

Anyways, we were working on the slideshow and I loved the pictures, so I thought I'd post a few of them. Senior pictures, the wedding, living in France...My grandma would kill me if she saw I posted the picture with her hair all done up, but I really like it!

Old favorite book

I have recently been reminded (thanks to julia.) of my favorite book as a child, The Velveteen Rabbit. It has probably been a good ten years since I last read it. And as I am at school this summer, the tattered version my family has is unavailable. So, I went searching and found this, a wonderful online text version. Pictures and all. Just though I'd share that, I was really excited!

Afternoon Tea Party

Tea served with cream and sugar cubes:
Cacao Mint Black Tea
Pear-Lemon Panache Herbal Tea

Sweets/Biscuits:
Plain and chocolate-dipped madeleines
Shortbread cookies with white chocolate and raspberries
Cream Scones served with Clotted Cream, Lemon Curd, and Jam

Sandwiches:
Cucumber Mint
Prosciutto, Tomato, and Bocconcini
Egg salad


Pictures from here, here, here, and here

Thailand

I have a friend in Thailand on a missions trip right now.

Here's some info on what's been happening lately.

Exerpts:

"A renegade Thai general who backs anti-government protesters has been shot, shortly after a deadline for troops to seal their Bangkok protest camp passed."

"The US has closed its embassy in Bangkok saying it is "very concerned" - and the UK also said it was closing its embassy on Friday because of the situation."


So please pray for her and the team she went with, the the Lord just keeps them and the children and women in the orphanage/shelter that they are working in safe. Thank you so much, we are so worried for the team.

Pipe Dreams

Sometimes, I wish I could devote all my time and money to looking fashionable and studying the latest trends. Except when I get older and wrinkly, I doubt that wold be on the forefront of my mind. If I had unlimited youth, I would totally go into fashion; I love it so much. It's like my secret obsession. It shows in my avid consumption of magazines and jewelry. And, of course, the obsession with lookbook.

What would you do with one unlimited resource?

The Real World

Soooooooo

I got a job!
The job on campus I interviewed for worked out, so now I am back on campus. Living with three other girls in an apartment. But they're all seniors and have known each other since freshman year, so I feel a little outta the loop. I'm not a very talkative person around new people, so I hope this gets a lil better.

Anyways, I'm all unpacked and everything! And, tomorrow morning at nine, I begin training for work.

Alright, well to sleep so i can be awake and alert and retain all the info tomorrow!
Have a good night!

So Cute and Cuddly!

The best part is at :23

The perfect holiday

A road trip up the east coast. During the school year so there aren't many tourists. Hitting lots of beaches and cute little shops and boutiques. We'll have to find beaches that no one knows about, or that are at least not so well-known to the general public. That way, it is actually relaxing to be on a beach. We could stay at little bed and breakfasts, or just sleep in the car-I have no problem with that. Oh and can't forget to bring change, we'll definitely be needing to do laundry. Make-up and hairdryers and straighteners: off limits...okay maybe the mascara can come. And definitely all the cds you can find. Music is a must. Other than that, pack lightly, because we are limited on space. However, you will need something for shells, you know you'll want to pick some up no matter how much you tell yourself you don't have a need for them in the first place...maybe one per beach? That sounds about right, right?

Now, the vehicle. Car, truck, van, camper? Campers are too big and bulky, I think. Cars may be too small. If we had a truck, we could sleep in the bed of it at night. If we have a cover, we could ride in the back too if we start to feel cramped in the actual cab part of the truck. This kind would be absolutely perfect. Of course, it would need to be a truck that gets good mileage, we don't need a gas guzzler. Or maybe one of those that has been converted and runs on basically any kind of grease. We could pick up old grease from restaurants before they throw it away. We'd never be in need of fuel, those places are everywhere.

Anyways, I'm starting to think four would be the ideal number of occupants in the vehicle. Maybe five, it might be too cramped. We want company, not enemies. Just a nice little group, nothing too large.

So, we'll start with Florida, or course. Then work our way up through Georgia and the Carolinas. Weaving our way through Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania. (We will obviously have to stop at various places for educational sight-seeing, wouldn't want to miss school for nothing, now would we? Plus, history is interesting.) Then, on up through New York, hitting Massachusetts and New Hampshire before ending in Maine. Maybe, the border could even be breached and we could visit the foreign country of...Canadaaaaa. How exotic.

Pictures of our wonderful exploring road trip (did I mention no maps?)...





There will be tons of downtime, so I guess we'll need something to do. Shopping is nice, but we can't do that all the time obviously. We could bring books...journals and pens. Cameras. Music. That sounds nice to me. It may be boring to some. No matter, we are creative and can make our own entertainment. We will be exploring, so we could just use the downtime to learn about compasses.

Anyways, now I need to find buddies to come who will find this enjoyable and relaxing as opposed to boring and uneventful...hmmmmm...

; )

Pictures (googled) from here, here, and here

Hobbies

I get in these weird hobby spurts.

For instance, when we moved, I wanted to get my bedroom perfect, so I worked on my interior designing skills. Silly. We got so far as to find matching furniture and the perfect wall colors. That is all. The window treatments aren't even up yet and it's been a little over 2 years.

Late last summer, I started taking pictures with my camera and then it broke. But some of the pictures were really nice and so I saved up and got a really nice camera- an Olympus E520- which I have no idea how to use. I haven't even touched it's full potential.

In the fall, I took a noted interest in nutrition and started watching what I ate and working out consistently. This didn't last long.

In the spring, Etsy was discovered. So I started making some jewelry. None of which sold. And now I have a $9.11 Etsy bill for posts. Not to mention the money I spent getting tools and such.

So. All that said. I've signed up for a photography class in the fall that I can hopefully learn a lot from. My mother and I are planning to hold each other accountable and work out at 8pm five days a week. And maybe I'll get the bedroom furniture when I graduate and can work on making a home for myself then. As for now, I've wasted a ton of time and effort and money on that jewelry stint.



....but I am really really really super duper excited for that photography class in about four months! :D

I always fear that my heart will collapse from exhaustion to the point that I will stop loving you.

I read this on here.
It was interesting reading someone's voicing of thoughts I've had before but couldn't put words to.

Like when you walk into a room, and an hour later your friend says that the room smells like cherry-scented washable markers and you realize that they are right and you couldn't place it before, but you do remember recognizing something familiar in the air when you first walked in. It makes me antsy. Those cherry-scented washable markers bring memories.

Working on the real life

The real life...as in an actual paying job. I have these applications of employment so far:
Teavana
Charlotte Russe
Costco

And am going to get some later from:
Ikea
h&m
New York and Company

I'd love it if I could get a job at H&M or Teavana or New York and Co.

I've researched, and on H&M's website, they make it obvious that they audit their foreign suppliers. They employ auditors to go to the various foreign companies and make sure they are complying with U.S. labor laws and work environment standards. In other words, everything you buy at H&M, you can be 100% positive that it was not made by young children or overworked/underpayed employees. They do not buy from sweatshops. There are the necessary fire emergency plans in place.

No other website or customer service employees of other clothing stores I have looked at have been as helpful in determining who they buy from. New York and Company wasn't as explicit or detailed in their description of the investigation process they use with foreign suppliers, but there was some information saying that they at least check out the places. The people I contacted at Charlotte Russe were completely clueless as to where there inported clothing came from.

H&M is my first choice.
Then Teavana.

I'd just really prefer to not work at places that take advantage of disadvantaged people...