With that realization I was talking about two posts ago, I don't know if i will continue to feel this way, but I have very much wanted to go on a trip by myself somewhere and just be alone.
Because I have felt like I'm losing myself at times. Like the personalities that I am around are folding themselves into me, and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I feel like I'm less and less myself each day. And sometimes it just gets to be too much. I just shut down. Emotionally. Physically. Those are the days where I do nothing but watch mindless t.v. and munch endless calories and run my fingers through my hair. It's the only way to keep from overloading.
And I feel like I need to take a little break from life to get on track. I'm only 19, this can't be right. To feel like I've wasted my life not being myself when it hasn't even started?
...Maybe a solo break isn't what I need, it has the potential to just make me feel worse...but going to a new place, with lots of people, but by myself. Alone with completely new people who don't already know me in a completely new place I've never been to. I wouldn't be lonely, but I would be forced to be myself.
I just feel like I need something like that soon or I will go crazy. I just don't know how or when or where. Or how to justify it, besides simply needing some major mental health time...
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