Inspiring links and not-so-inspiring thoughts

this inspiring post by Maggie at My Breakfast Blog

this spoken word that I heard today

this song lyric by First Aid Kit: "I live because I love to"

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I just need to try to be more positive, I think.

Or. Hmmm. Or would it be an abomination to try to be something I'm not? I'm not overly positive, I'm not overly negative, I don't think.

So, again, I ask: Would it be an abomination to try and be something I'm not?
I'm not saying don't work to be your best, because that's just it: be your best. Not Barbie's smiling best. Would it be wrong to try to be positive and "always look on the bright side of life" when that's just simply not how I'm wired? Why do I always need to be happy and positive? I hope I'm not a debbie downer, but should I be feeling guilty for not being able to keep up an appearance of shining optimism?

I think I'm concluding that it is okay to not be happy. And to clarify, you can not be happy, but still be filled with love and still have the joy and hope that God gives. Why do I still want it though? Happiness is a fickle emotion after all, right?
Does it come back to confusing happiness with fulfillment? Sometimes I wonder if fulfillment will ever make its home in me, at least in this life anyway. And then this is usually the point where I go "probably not, but just maybe it will" and lay my head down to sleep.

It seems I'm always thinking, and only in circles, never making any progress.